My Sub Space!

The sub in the slut
My sub space
A slut I admit to being, not necessarily right now but I have been and will be again definitely.
Looking for love? No
Looking for sex? Yes, well kind of.
What I am looking for is a moment, I have felt it four times now and it is why I like what being a sub can do for me. (Obviously apart from the connection and experiences with my MASTER)
I have felt it four times now and through all of the long, painful, annoying, crushing and just plain fucked up experiences I have been through to find it.
There all worth it. “Well that’s if I can get it again”
I’m Charlie; I am the slut, the sub, the unpredictable.
First of all the *feeling* the *moment*.
It is when I am scared, when it (my life) is in their hands and can be over in any second. Where anything can happen to me. And they just do not care.
I’m just there to be used, taken advantage of, and abused in a moment of passion, anger or rage.
“It hurts but it feels amazing”
The first time.
I was fifteen or just under, walking along a road on the way to my friend’s birthday party. Just a ten to fifteen minute walk from my home in the afternoon light.
A van full of guys (five to be exact, one driving and four in the back) pulled up next to me alongside the road and a guy got out of the van and approached me.
He asked me if I knew the way to a p.c.y.c and I told him it was three streets away. I told him the way and he asked me to get into the van and show them and he would make sure they brought me back.
I said no and continued walking the driver called out and asked if I could explain it to him and I stupidly walked towards the van with the guy to tell the guy in the front seat the way.
I was dragged into the back of the van by the guy that had approached me and another from the back street. One of the guys in the back of the van slammed the door and the driver drove off.
I was dragged to the back of the van where I was hit, spat on, yelled at slapped and tied down by three guys. I could hear the fourth guy in the back of the van telling them to stop and to let me out of the van, he told me it will be ok and it will be over soon. I thought he was going to help me and it somehow helped me.
I was tied down with a form of fishing wire that was slowly cutting into my skin. I was fucked brutally by the three guys in the back of the van while the fourth guy sat at the door and the driver kept driving with music playing loudly.
My clothes were ripped off and thrown out the windows of the van. All three of the guys fucked me and came over me or inside me.
I was a virgin, cut and bleeding, crying and screaming and still they fucked me calling me names hitting me and spitting on me just laughing at each other. The fourth guy pushed one of the other guys off me while he was fucking me and cut the wire from my wrists and legs that was connected to the seat anchors he helped me up and held me saying it was ok I thought he was helping he told me it was all over.
Then turned me around to face the other three, the guy that was fucking me was laying on the ground and two guys got either side of me forcing me onto his cockholding me there I was numb and exhausted sweating and bleeding and crying the fourth guy pushed against my back and fucked me anally I forced to do double penetration after the guys switched around a few times I felt weak and strange and that’s when I got the feeling.
-All the pain stopped all the laughing and name calling silenced and I felt like I was floating peacefully just watching it happen-
That’s the feeling its surreal I thought I was dying. It was like an out of body experience.
The second time.
When I was nineteen I was with a guy that appeared gentle and awesome all the things a girl wants, one day I refused to have sex with him because I had a period and he hit me, I fell down a set of stairs.
Once I hit the bottom I was in agony my shoulder was dislocated and my wrist was broken, he grabbed my arm twisting it around and pushed my face against the floor.
He fucked me there just like that I cried then all of a sudden just went silent.
-same feeling as before numb and silent, floating and surreal just watching and actually enjoying it. The same feeling again from a horrible experience.
I should have been sad and scared but ended up staying and searching the same warped out feeling.
The third time.
I had a friend of mine dominate me forcing me to fuck myself with a glass dildo while he whipped me extensively across my back.
It actually hurt quite a bit I was getting closer and closer to Cumming and right as the pain started burning and getting uncontrollable I went numb, I don’t think I could even hear the whip hitting me just there in a -surreal fading moment watching on as I was being whipped-. This time coming out of the floating numb sensation was a great experience climaxing on the glass dildo.
The fourth time.
With the same person as the third experience my DOM.
We had been in session regularly for a few months when we decided to stay at a hotel and have a guest come and fuck me. We realised before the session started that I had gotten my period and even though I was upset about it and uncomfortable my DOM made me go ahead with the night anyway.
I was fucked brutally by the guest whilst my DOM held my wrists down, yelled at me called me names and slapped my face, he grabbed at my body and forced me onto the guests cock as he was fucking me, the verbal abuse scared me and I zoned out
-Everything went numb and quiet, I felt like I was tingling and floating ad watching on seeing me fucked like a sex toy it was very arousing and a big turn on-


Twice now I have experienced this by accident and twice by pure luck two instances I was forced against by will and two I consented too.
This feeling I have searched for by being a slut I have found by being a sub.
This feeling is addictive and the biggest release I have ever felt and want to feel again.

It is my sub space